"in it"

I got the question the other day...

   I went in to pay my rent and the girl who works in the office asked; "Are you feeling ok? You look like you've lost weight."  I couldn't help but smile. Its one thing to feel lean and hungry. It's a completely different thing when others notice, even if they mistake what they see. Its as if mortals cant fathom doing this on purpose, it is so alien to the soft and undisciplined that they cant fully process what is in front of them... something must be wrong. 

   I am in it. In that zone, feral and a edgy, with a wild eyed hunger and I love it!

   It's funny, but after a point during a weight cut my body always acclimates. (I do a long and slow lead up. I would rather make weight early and eat my way back up, restoring some of my blood sugar. I may lose something in the weight advantage by not cutting a lot of water but I gain it back in energy.) My body adapts quickly to the long, intense workouts and the insufficient calories. My body relinquishes the hunger pains and lethargy. I feel loose and light, ready to fight, using body fat for fuel. I feel like a machine.

   I completely enjoy the weight cut associated with an event or competition. Yes the abs and the sharp cheekbones are cool too, but the discipline and sacrifice add an intensity and sense of purpose far greater then just trying to win a medal. It turns everyday into a quest. The harder I push, the more spartan my existence, the better I feel. My mind is as sharp as my body and I live each day in the bliss of exhaustion. Feeding off endorphins instead of food. I sleep hard and deep. I savor little things.

   You don't really know how amazing a strawberry tastes until you eat one at 11pm on a day (or the 5th day) that you've worked out for 4 hours and eaten only some tuna and a handful of almonds and maybe a tomato. 

 -Drained -Slightly dehydrated -Low blood sugar-

   Your skin wrapped so tightly around your muscles the veins pop out like road maps. You know you can stop bullets, crush granite in your fist. You ARE discipline and sacrifice, and there it is a small bright red reward for a day of commitment. You take a bite and BANG! It tastes like happiness...  

"Yeah I'm fine. No I'm not sick. I'm cutting weight."